08 October, 2002

Love & Physics: An Obsession

I once had a friend called Emp. He was a very intelligent man, and I honestly think he knew me better than any other person, even myself. But he was smart enough not to say what he knew to my face, and I was smart enough to realize that he wasn't saying it.

Then I stopped hanging around him as much.

I guess I should use the word 'so' instead of 'then' in the above sentence, but I don't believe that I ws fully cognizant of it being 'so' and not 'then' at the time. I just wasn't smart enough to realize what I myself was doing by distancing myself from Emp.

But I bet he knew.

Of course, I'm a different man now. Most, if not all of the thoughts I had then are quite different from the thoughts I have now. But that does not mean that I didn't think those thoughts; it just means that I no longer think them.

At least I think I don't think them.

But how can I truly be sure? How do I know that I'm not just fooling myself as well now? Isn't it possible that instead of me now not doing what I did, I actually am doing what I did so well that now even I am fooled by it?

Wow, what a question, huh?


"Acceptance is perfection; understanding is love."
-- Ashley Saxon

Ashley is a girl that I knew for only a short while, and yet this quote of hers is one that I will remember for a lifetime. This very clearly demonstrates the superiority of love over even lofty perfection, and it exemplifies what one is truly working towards if one is looking for love.

I recognize truth here... And yet I struggle to define truth. How does one believe without proof?

Very carefully, that's how.

"Nature uses only the longest threads to weave her patterns, so each small piece of her fabric reveals the organization of the entire tapestry."
-- Richard Feynman

Dr. Feynman was in my opinion the best physicist of the latter half of the twentieth century. I like him especially because he not only was good at physics, but he was good at explaining physics, which is a completely different thing. This short quote of his states in the simplest manner the very basis of reality itself. Statements rarely are more impressive than that.

"In the end, they will beat you. Sooner or later they will see you for what you are... I know that you will fail. There is something in the universe -- ... some spirit, some principle -- that you will never overcome... The spirit of man."
-- Eric Blair (Orwell), 1984

The emotion in these words more clearly demonstrates the innate 'rightness' of certain inalienable things. Perhaps it is merely a whimsical childhood dream that I never really got over, but I cannot help but to believe (or at the very least, wish to believe) in the idea of 'goodness' as an actual thing. While I realize many worthless wars have been fought over ideas of righteousness, I still cannot help but feel that there has to be an absolute somewhere. At heart, you see, I am still am a classical physicist.

Doublespeak... Cognitive dissonance... Schizophrenia... No matter the name, the end result is the same.

::sigh:: It hurts to feel one way about a thing, and yet to know the opposite is likely true. It hurts badly.

"Love and be loved. All else is secondary."

This line is as succint as they come, and it reveals the only truth left to the scientific community. Sadly, there are those that have even lost this in their quest for knowledge. I very nearly have, and that is why I must remind myself so very often of the power of love.

"There will be no heavy duties. Your job is, every time I say something, contradict me with the strongest possible arguments."
-- Wolfgang Pauli, to his new assistant.

Pauli (of exclusion principle fame) states here what I would consider a dream job. Indeed, the very idea of it is so alluring that my idea of a perfect future wife would do just what Dr. Pauli said here.

"For in much wisdom is much grief, And he who increases knowledge, increases sorrow."
-- Ecclesiastes 1:18

This is my favorite quote from the bible. It reminds me of the nature of biblical studies, and it very clearly demonstrates a truth that is impossible for those who read it to truly understand. I personally believe that it is one of the truest statements ever stated... If you'd like to know why, feel free to ask me, but be prepared for quite a discussion.


My theology midterm is on Thursday, and I have yet to even start studying for it.

::extra-long sigh::

I am so very eternally stupid...

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