04 December, 2002

What FOD Means To Me

{{note: FOD stands for 'Free Open Diary', where this entry was originally posted.}}

Last night, P and I went for a long walk across the golf course grounds. It was dark, and combined with my tinted glasses, it was tough to see things. But it was enjoyable nonetheless. 

I think what made it most interesting was the fact that P never ceases to amaze me. I mean, he is so very much himself -- it's almost as though I cannot imagine him being another person. Perhaps some would consider this a bad thing (even P himself might say so), but I think it is a very positive compliment. So few people are truly outstandingly unique in this world... And there is only one P. 

One of the subjects we discussed had to do with diaries. Of course, he reads mine on occasion, as does many people I know (and many more that I don't), and that fact brought something to my attention that I had not considered before. You see, when I informed him that I keep three diaries (the Celtic diary, the self-made diary, & FOD), he asked: "In which of them do you put your most private thoughts?" 

It surprised me that he would ask this, as I thought perhaps my intentions had been more clear; but apparently, I was wrong. Thus, I'd like to clarify my intentions right here and now, just so nobody is confused on this. 

I am writing this as a public diary, and I put here, without intended censorship, exactly what I feel like writing on any given day. I do not hold back here, and I most certainly do not ever lie in this of all places (though I may do so elsewhere, of course). 

If you are one of the many people who know me IRL and read an entry that you think contradicts something I said outside of my diary, then you have either caught me lying to you IRL or else you've found one of my many instances of cognitive dissonance. The words I use in this diary are more of what I am than any other aspect of my life. 

If you are one of the many people who don't know me IRL, then you are lucky. You get to experience whom I am in truth before seeing the exterior shell that surrounds my soul. I envy you. 

If I offend someone on this diary, it is not meant as a malicious attack, but rather as the truth of how I feel and/or think.
If I praise someone on this diary, then it is not empty praise; it is truth, plain and simple. 

If there is some aspect of my life that has not been written about in this diary, it does not mean that I am witholding information or that I find that aspect unimportant; rather, it is that I have yet to find sufficient time and enough ability to truly put what I truly feel on the matter here online. 

The diary that has my most private thoughts is this one. My other two diaries are still important to me, since they record my thoughts in physical form, but it is here, online and in full view of the public, that I write my innermost thoughts and feelings. It is here that I most honest and straightforward, and it is here that one can get the most perfect picture of whom I am. 

This is me. 

Take it or leave it.

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