02 February, 2008

Huckabee Announces Chuck Norris as both Head of Homeland Security & Secretary of Defense

Presidential Candidate Huckabee, at a rally in Alabama today, announced that if he gets elected President, he would appoint Chuck Norris as both Secretary of Defense and Head of the Department of Homeland Security. I am NOT kidding. I predict Huckabee will now win Alabama's vote.
Update: Here's a link. The link only mentions the sec of def part; but he said in his speech that he'd appoint him to both simultaneously. As soon as I get a news source to verify, I'll post another link.
Correction: Apparently I misheard on cspan. Chuck Norris is just going to be secretary of defense. He's appointing Nature Boy Rick Flair as Head of the Department of Homeland Security. This is still fucking unbelievable, though.


  1. This is so far out of the realm of reality that I just don't know what to do.

    I swear to god that if this was a plotline to an SNL sketch it would be the joke people were talking about Monday morning. That it's real, and that this will actually endear the huckster to some voters beggars belief.

    Please sane people of America - save those of us in the rest of the world from this insanity...

  2. This evening, I was working on some Topology homework with some Hillary Clinton/Ron Paul speeches going on in the background on C-SPAN. It was getting a little bit late, and I was getting hungry. Nicole and I had just sat down to eat some chicken fried rice we had made ourselves from scratch, when we nearly spat our drinks out on each other when Huckabee said that. We couldn't tell if he was serious. Maybe we all need to get our sarcasm meters re-calibrated, but that makes this man even scarier.

    Honestly though, it is a tossup as to which way we would lean in the Republican primary down here. McCain is pretty strong and so is Huckabee, but Ron Paul has a huge amount of supporters here. Hell, I even saw a plane towing a Ron Paul Revolution banner flying around Birmingham as I was walking to class. Mitt Romney? I don't see too many people supporting him around here. Huckabee...I don't know how he'll do to be honest.

    But yeah, this is insane. Such is our political process. The question is...how are the Democrats going to fuck this up again and deliver a Republican to the presidency? :/

  3. It has been suggested that since the department of defense was created to defend us all, they need to change their name from D.O.D to a name that more reflects their true purpose.
    They should adopt Foriegn Excursions And Retribution or F.E.A.R.

  4. That's a nice acronym. I was being uncreative and just kept calling it the "Department of Offense".

  5. So if you haven't heard already, it turns out my prediction was correct. Huckabee won in Alabama. Unfuckingbelievable.