07 January, 1999
I'm ready for this to be over with.
[As copied from the journal of one of my early girlfriends.]
I'm ready for this to be over with. I'm tired of feeling useless, worthless, I'm tired of doing everything wrong. I'm becoming apathetic, the one quality I hate the most. I hurt my love constantly because of my lack of self control, and I feel a tremendous sense of guilt. To have the knowledge that it is I whom is to blame I who has ruined his dream world. I have shattered the dreams of the one whom I love and he is beginning to lose all hope. I am the one to introduce him to a reality which he hates, it is my doing and soon he shall resent me for it. I can feel it. I do not blame him. I blame myself for the greatest mistake I could ever make. God, please let him forgive me, let him continue to love me. I cannot do it alone. Eric, I need you... I love you.