15 April, 2008

Vegetarianism Issues, The Crazy Dude, and a Published Secret

"A #2 with a coke, please; but, if you could, hold the meat and add extra lettuce and tomatoes."
"You mean you don't want the meat?"
"That's right. I'm vegetarian."
"Would you like to get the vegetarian sandwich meal instead?"
"No, I don't particularly like whole grain bread, nor do I enjoy the particular type of veggie-burger you serve here. I'd really just like the sandwich made the same way you make all #2 sandwiches, except don't put meat on it, and add extra lettuce and tomatoes."
"So instead of fries, you want the apple and side-salad, right?"
"No, I'm not a health freak; I'm a vegetarian. There's a difference. Just make the same kind of meal you would make for any meat-eater, except don't include the meat. That means I want the same greasy fries you serve to everyone else."
--five minutes later--
"Hi, I just ordered a #2 without the meat, but when I got my order, it had meat on it."
"You want your money back? You already opened it."
"No, I don't want my money back. I just want to get what I ordered initially. I was supposed to get a #2 without meat, but with added lettuce and tomatoes, but instead what I was given had meat in it. You did get the extra lettuce and tomatoes thing correct, though."
"Okay, don't worry; we'll get it taken care of."
--five minutes later--
"Hi, I'm sorry to be such a bother, but the replacement meal you just gave me is on a whole-wheat bun. I wanted a #2."
"Yeah, with no meat, right?"
"Yes, with no meat. But I didn't want the vegetarian sandwich--I wanted the #2 sandwich, but with no meat."
"Okay, we'll get this fixed for you. Don't worry."
--five minutes later--
"Excuse me, but I overheard the troubles you've been having getting your order fixed up correctly."
"Yeah, it's okay, though. I'm used to it."
"Well, I just wanted to let you know that they do it on purpose. I'm a regular here, and every day they find someone to pick on and deliberately get their order wrong over and over."
"Are you serious?"
"Yeah, they think it's funny as hell. But I'm going to show them. Next time I order, when they get it right, I'll tell them they got it wrong, and if they get it wrong, I'll just eat what they give me. It's the perfect plan, you see."
"... Yes, that sounds like a good plan. ... Uh, thanks for letting me in on it. But I really should finish eating now. I'm in a bit of a hurry."
"Yes, yes."
--30 second pause--
"You know, you could start out this perfect plan by giving them back your half finished food and saying they got it wrong again. I mean, I know they got it right this time, but it'll really get them back if you tell them it's wrong."
"Um..., no, ... no, thank you. I think you'll do quite fine by yourself when you order your food tomorrow. After all, if I do that today, it might warn them of your perfect plan for tomorrow, and that wouldn't be good."
"You're right! We can't let them know about my plan. Hey, you're a pretty smart guy. Maybe you can come eat here tomorrow with me and we can fool them together--that'll really get them!"
"I appreciate the offer, but I really do have to go, and I won't be available tomorrow. Thanks for letting me in on your plan, though. I'll keep it a secret."
"Yes, yes, keep it a secret. Don't tell anybody! If they find out, who knows what could happen! You promise you'll keep it a secret?"
"I won't tell anyone but my diary, at least not until after tomorrow."

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