02 July, 2000


[As copied from a letter addressed to me from Gregory S. Cochran.]

A monopoly of memories that you'll never forget,
You won't need a picture, so don't take a pose.
A past of pain that you'd like to forget,
The monopoly of memories that you'll always regret.

Don't reminisce on matters of morality.
You won't enjoy bliss, the past is a pain you'll never forget,
You'll always come back,
Back to the road of reality,
Back to the past of memories that you'll always regret.

If you forget where you've been,
You're going down and there is no coming back.
This time I mean it, how can you be sure?
There is no coming back...

Take the time to forget,
Get lost!
Down your road to the end
There is no coming back my friend.
Get lost!
Into my forever,
Forever less than the emptiness.
Get lost... get outta my head
Before I make us both dead.

There is no coming back this time.
Down the road of memories
Forever less than the emptiness...
You're lost.

01 July, 2000

The Torture Of Living


Why can't I just forget?!
Why must I think and think and think...
...And for what? For whom?

Why must I always remember?
Why must the thoughts return again and again and again?
...To what avail? For what purpose?

Why does everything remind me?
From rocks to birds to computers to shirt pockets?
...Can't I just live a normal life?

Why does the past haunt me?
Forever and a day, and still I cry...
...Am I cursed to be this way forever?

Or could it be that I am doing this to myself?
Is this my own punishment?
Have I decided what's worst for me?

Why would I torture myself?
Unless I wanted to be tortured...
To be torn... To be unhappy for as long as possible...
To wish death, but be unable to bring it;
To see the same forever...

...and always...