01 July, 2000

The Torture Of Living

Argh!

Why can't I just forget?!
Why must I think and think and think...
...And for what? For whom?
Why?

Why must I always remember?
Why must the thoughts return again and again and again?
...To what avail? For what purpose?
Why?

Why does everything remind me?
From rocks to birds to computers to shirt pockets?
...Can't I just live a normal life?
Why?

Why does the past haunt me?
Forever and a day, and still I cry...
...Am I cursed to be this way forever?
Or...?

Or could it be that I am doing this to myself?
Is this my own punishment?
Have I decided what's worst for me?
But...why?

Why would I torture myself?
Unless I wanted to be tortured...
To be torn... To be unhappy for as long as possible...
To wish death, but be unable to bring it;
To see the same forever...

...and always...

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